This familiar idiom raises a question: Who the are the Joneses and why do we care about keeping up with them?
This obsession about keeping up with the Joneses was formally introduced in a comic strip by the same name. Created by Arthur Momand, it debuted in 1913 in The New York Globe and ran for 25 years. It chronicled the struggle of the McGinis family to “keep up” with the lifestyle their neighbor’s, the Joneses. Momand captured the spirit of envy that is as old as time.
Though this idiom made its way into modern culture a century ago, its roots reach deep into antiquity. It began when cave woman Betty Rubble said, “Barney, the Flintstones have a bigger cave than ours and Fred’s Flintmobile is nicer than our Rubble Wreck. You need to up your game, buddy.”
Fast forward to Old Testament times when Moses introduced his people to the Ten Commandments. Because people were coveting their neighbors’ stuff so much in those days God had to remind them to curb their appetites. And then, to reinforce the point, Cain murdered his brother out of jealousy, the prodigal son pissed off his brother and the workers in the vineyard considered a work stoppage over wages. Don’t forget about Martha and Mary. The women were at it, too.
Today, keeping up with the Joneses is more civil. In golf, players measure success by how far their tee shots fly vis-à-vis their partner’s tee shot. A neighbor paints their house and the whole neighborhood initiates conversations with painters. One family member buys a new automobile and his sibling buys a more upscale version of the same model. Someone vacations in Tuscany and her friends decide to summer in Florence. Sadly, there are people who spend money they don’t have to buy things they don’t need to impress people that don’t care. Why?
Though its roots appear in antiquity, Leon Festinger proposed a scientific explanation for this in 1954—Social Comparison Theory. He proposed that the human tendency to compare oneself with others is a normal cognitive process to satisfy the human desire for self-evaluation. This bi-directional comparison goes up and down—comparing selves upward to others who have more and achieve more and downward to those who have less and achieve less. Though this information can be useful, the process has a dark side—envy or feelings of superiority. For some people, comparing themselves to others results in one of two emotions: They either feel superior because they are so much better or frustrated that they are not as good as the other person.
Observing others is part of human development. This natural tendency is linked inextricably to survival. People watch others eat the poisonous fruit and learn to avoid it. Humans have grouped in clans for shelter and safety since the beginning of time. Younger siblings learn from older siblings and mimic them.
Some find motivation in this self-evaluation, as when one person enrolls in graduate school because a younger sibling attends law school. Others find comfort in knowing that others have faced similar trials in their achievements and challenges. Few people will choose the mission of the Starship Enterprise: To explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before! For most people, it’s comforting to know that others have been there before.
Keeping up with the Joneses is tiring and inevitable. But, how people process it can be useful. When it provides growth data, it’s positive. When it promotes resentment, it’s negative. It’s useful when it makes people aware of their surroundings; it’s negative when they limit themselves by their surroundings. It’s useful when people witness another’s good fortune and admire those achievements. It’s negative when people throw a pity party for themselves because they feel slighted.
It takes the humility and love of a Mother Theresa to avoid the calamitous side effects of social comparisons, but another possibility helps: Focus on one’s blessings and feel grateful for them.
Tom Reilly is the author of sixteen books, including Hope in The Shadows of War.
