Years ago, I spoke at a convention at one of the Disney properties in Orlando. On speaking days, my routine was always the same. Up early, often at 5:00 AM. Breakfast as soon as possible so that I could launch my day with a caffeine fix. Review my topic and materials for the presentation. Focus my mind narrowly on the presentation to avoid distractions. It often crossed the line into obsession more than focus. That was my preparation theme: Focus into obsession.
I was first in line when the dining room doors opened. The hostess escorted me to my table and took a drink order—black coffee and water. I perused the menu, though I knew what I would order—bagel, cream cheese and scrambled eggs. My server came over to my table and took my order. She had the most wonderful smile. Bright. Inviting. Genuine. It was a pleasure to be on the receiving end of it. I sat for a few minutes enjoying the smile and the morning bean.
As a student of human nature, I scanned the restaurant to people-watch. My server moved gracefully and pleasantly from table to table. She shared generously her smile. And when she left the table, she left them smiling. I felt like I was back in a psychology lab observing human interactions. On the flight down, I read a journal article on mirror neurons in deference to my educational background.
The National Institutes of Health define mirror neurons as “a distinctive class of neurons that discharge both when an individual executes a motor act and when he observes another individual performing the same or a similar motor act.” These brain cells respond the same when we perform a task or when we witness someone else performing the same task. Neuroscientists have discovered that our brains are programmed for social interaction. We are empathic creatures, as the mirror neurons in our brains cause us to experience what others experience. A smile begets a smile. A yawn encourages another yawn from someone. One baby crying in a nursery can start a chorus of tears in other babies. When two smokers take smoke break and one reaches for a cigarette, it triggers the other to reach for a smoke also.
Back to my server. I watched her move from one table to another. Every time, she left them smiling. Mirror neurons in their brains mimicked her smile. She delivered my breakfast with a smile, of course. I responded in kind. My whole breakfast was a field study of the effects of mirror neurons on smiling. When I finished, she was ready with my check.
I said to her, “I’ve been watching you interact with all these other tables and it has been an interesting study of human behavior.” I interjected a comment about my job, why I people watch, and the article on mirror neurons. I wanted her to know that I had a clinical interest in her smile and not just some creepy old guy making conversation with a young waitress. She found the concept of mirror neurons interesting … or, at least she said she did.
I continued, “I’ve been watching you at each of these other tables. Every time you leave a table, you leave them smiling. You have the most engaging smile I’ve ever seen. Have you always smiled like that?”
She blushed and said, “Yeah. I guess I come from a long line of smilers. My father is a great smiler and I probably got it from him.”
“Well, it’s working for you. Congratulations. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? If it’s too personal and you feel uncomfortable answering it, I understand.”
“Sure, that’s fine.”
I thought, well here we go. “How are your tips compared to the other servers?”
She smiled broadly and said, “They’re a lot better, for sure.”
“Thanks, I suspected they would be.”
I paid my check and she walked away smiling. She got a nice tip, and I got a great story. I call that win-win. My win mirrored her win.
Tom Reilly is the author of 16 books. His latest book is Hope in The Shadows of War (Koehler Books, 2018).
As I watched “Fields of Stone” again, tears rolled from my eyes. Maybe trying to make up for all those days spent there looking out on those too bountiful hills. Focusing on the job at hand, servicing this family, thinking ahead to the next family in need. It steals away my attention as to what is around me so many days of my week. So many lives, years, months, days, given to preserve freedom. Loved ones gone, not forgotten. So much sadness has filled the air there. It’s a wonder the trees are still alive. It’s hard as a person of this world to remember the joy and love that is ours when we leave here. While watching so many grieve and weep. I have to remember, it’s Love that is the fuel that feeds the sorrow. It must be what feeds the trees also.
I hope what I do helps those we serve. I pray it serves God.
Thanks for your thoughtful and heartfelt response, Dan. I have met some of the best people I’ve ever known in the Patriot Guard Riders. They are respectful, patriotic, giving people. Your response typifies those whom I’ve met. It’s an honor to call you my friend.